Mama Voice

I try and draw a line between the public and private in this little space, but this needs saying, if only for me, for my boy.  And also to explain why I seem come and go from here.

We're four years down this path, and finally we have some answers.  From his earliest days, something just seemed different, harder.  With every sound he woke, I held him, all day, all night.  Had to limit my diet to keep him happy.  There's something off I say, the doctors say he is fine, he is big, he is beautiful.  I listen to my Mama Voice, stop asking for help. 

I will care for you little one.

He grows, he's smart, he's healthy.  He's just clumsy because he's SO BIG.  All parents have to repeat things a lot, right?  Why doesn't he really play with all those toys?  Why must I lead him through everything?  Still, things seem more normal.  Maybe parenting is really this hard.  But, it doesn't look this hard for others.

He starts school, does fine.  Seems ahead in some ways, behind in others.  He's happy.  He turns three, his sister comes.  Things aren't so good.  Sibling issues, yes, that's it.  He challenges more, acts out towards pets and sister.  Everyone says "he's three, three is hard."

But, he has incredibly sweet moments.  He talks like such a grown up now.  When did my little boy become so grown up?  Still, something about him seems naive, a little off.  What is it?

Fourth birthday approaches, maybe four will be better.  Late night internet searching, click on "sensory issues."  This is my child.

Seek evaluation-- yes sensory issues, sensory seeking (must touch everything), sensory avoiding (no swings, please).  We can help him.  He will be fine.

Prescription:  Rich sensory experiences, occupational therapy (disguised as play), lots of hugs (no tickles)

I will care for you little one.

Comments

[sarah]

Good luck on your journey. I don't know much about sensory issues, but I'm glad you listened to your "mama voice". What a powerful voice it is!! I tried to explain it to a friend who just had her first baby and was wading through all the unsolicited advice that come with new-mommyness... listen to yourself, I told her. No one (No one!!) knows your baby better than you do. Do what feels right for you and your child.

[Sarah]

I'm so glad you're finding answers, and that you listened to your mama voice. Your sweet boy is so lucky to have you for his mom.

[Wendy]

Thanks for sharing this. I think God gives us specific children for a reason and I am convinced that before it is all said and done, my children will have taught me much more than I will ever teach them. Your boy is blessed to have you as his mom!

[Leslie]

That Mama Voice is a loud one, isn't it? I, too, have learned not to ignore it. Your son is a lucky little man to have such a good Momma. I hope you can find all of the answers you need.

[soNOTcool]

I have been a lurker up until now, at least for the most part, but just wanted to chime in ... although I don't have much to contribute. A friend of mine has a daughter with sensory issues. I have witnessed the frustration, then diagnosis, and finally successful therapy. I hope that things go as well for your family as they have for hers.

[kate]

Delurking to say: Yay for the Mama Voice! He's a lucky boy to have you to care for him.

He's adorable!

[mandy]

My friends daughter has a sensory disorder. Hers was pretty severe from birth. She did not like to be held or stroked. The clothing touching her was unbearable we would feed her in a bouncy chair. She was diagnosed very early and started therapy when she was 2 months old. Lots of texture were used and noise levels. She is now 8 and still in therapy but is doing very very well. It can work and they learn very quickly from it. She has gotten a lot of help from her school district too with the issues.(troy schools in metro Detroit)

[Donna]

This was a lovely post. Despite the obvious heartache, uncertainty, challenge behind it.
I am the mama of an autistic 3 year old who has sensory issues. And he is my greatest joy.
I know that mama voice you speak of. It's an amazing thing, our connection to our children. We just KNOW things. Even when those around us dispute us.
Good luck and much peace as you journey together, you and your lovely boy.

[Jenn]

So glad to hear of a mama listening to that voice and knowing you need to act. You are inspiring in so many ways.

[lucy]

i hope when i have a "momma voice" it's as good and strong as yours. :)
*hugs*

[Donna]

This was a lovely post. Despite the obvious heartache, uncertainty, and challenge felt behind it.
I am the mama of an autistic 3 year old who has sensory issues. And he is my greatest joy.
I know that mama voice you speak of. It's an amazing thing, our connection to our children. We just KNOW things. Even when those around us dispute us.
Good luck and much peace as you journey together, you and your lovely boy.

[Becky]

Delurking here.

I love how you discovered the problem, persevered with your Mama's intuition, and in the journey, you discover a unique and delightful young fellow who will grow up to be a unique and sensitive young man.

What a wonderful way to think about things, no matter how challenging.

That Mama's voice should not be ignored. I had the same thing with my second child. Didn't sit up, didn't babble, didn't crawl or walk. Nothing on schedule, everything much later than his older brother had been.

I lost sleep over him. I worried and cried and complained and then I just stopped talking about it. "Don't compare your kids" people told me. "He is healthy" the doctor said.

Finally, when some friends babysat for a weekend when he was 3 1/2, the husband took me aside. He was a social worker for the school district and told me with all the love he could muster that he thought perhaps something might be wrong.

He couldn't hear! We tested him and he had a 50% hearing loss wtih balance problems. We had spent nearly 4 yrs reacting to the fact that he would not obey, and the whole time he could not hear our directions.

Talk about guilt! Today he is 22 1/2, happy, healthy, a musian of all things. With a beautiful voice and an amazing talent on the guitar and piano.

A Mama's voice indeed!

Blessings to you all!!

[Becky]

Musician. I meant musician. Sorry!

[Rosemary]

I visit your blog for wonderful ideas. Today I read beautiful insight and words of love. You are not alone. You are wise to listen to the Mama voice. We must be the advocates for those who cannot advocate for themselves. I, too, am in your shoes but with different issues. I now know why God blessed me with my daughter...I have never had such an uncompromising love before. Peace to you and your son.

[LauraJ]

Mama Voices are the best!

[hedra]

Lovely and true. I've certainly BTDT, in so many ways. So glad you found an answer, and even more glad you found a solution (sometimes the solution comes without the answer, but so nice to have both!). Yay for the mama voice.

[coffeemamma]

Two of my four have SI issues- one is mildly autistic, the other has ADHD along with a host of LDs. They weren't diagnosed until 5yo and 10yo respectively, when we finally found doctors that take the "mama voice" seriously.

And? It gets easier, I promise ;-)

[melissa]

It seems that many children are suffering from sensory issues these days. You are a good Mama, Courtney, for listening to your inner voice. Eliot is luck to have you! Best wishes for your (and his) future!

[bethany]

Always listen to that voice. mine ay have saved my boy's life when he had appendicitis. He said it hurt "medium" the nurse said "unlikely"
Mama voice said "this is wrong" and it sure was.

[Amy]

Oh, yes. I have one of those myself. I remember having one of those late-night internet readings, and having that exact same "That's my child!!" moment. But I've really discovered the same thing you have... we really can care for our little ones, and while it helps to study up on ways to deal with issues that arise, most of what we need to know is already in us. We've already known our children for so long that we've figured out what they need. And it truly does get easier, because they begin to learn how to deal with difficult situations, first with help from you, and then with their own coping mechanisms. It's amazing to me that after I learned what was going on with Zach, suddenly all the weird little things that he did made sense. And I could see what was going on in his head even though he wouldn't or couldn't tell me. I've become a much more patient and understanding mother, and he's become a much happier and more capable child. Best wishes to you and your babe, Courtney.

[Alicia A.]

You're a great mom, Courtney. Hugs to you all.

[Holly]

Good for you for listening!

We have been on this journey with our son.

When he was a little guys the only things he liked to do were reading with us, cuddling, and computer, tv time. He didn't "play" with any toys.
We had another baby when he was 2 years old.
He found crowded spaces very overwhelming and remained "glued to mamma's lap" in these situations. Swimming, and biking were scary for him.

Anyway, it has been a challenge...but I would like to encourage you. Our son is 13 years old today and he has very little "issues" anymore. He gets comfort from stuffing his pickets with tissues and other things so his hands have something to fidget with all day! He still loves being cozy in warm hooded sweaters...pockets again are always a bonus and he fills them up!
Bless you on your journey. I know that you are the perfect mom for your son! ;o)

[Mama Urchin]

My own mother was just reminding me of the power of that mama voice the other day in regards to my children being ill. I'm so glad you didn't let someone else silence you. And I'm glad you have some answers.

[Sheridan]

Mama voice! I love that phrase. I, too, have a boy with sensory issues, and my mama voice was very vocal but no one was listening. It was hard to stay confident that I knew him best.

This is so beautifully written, thank you for sharing.

[abbyjane]

My four-year-old, Roxanne, also has sensory processing issues, and gets both physical and occupational therapy. And talks like a grown-up. And talks only to grown-ups. I am right here with you.

[capello]

occupational therapy will work wonders, it did for us. yes, we are still "different" but we cope so much better now.

[Annie]

You should be extraordinarily proud of yourself for seeking answers when your mother's instincts told you that you should! As an adult with sensory processing problems I can tell you that knowing how to give your son the input that he really needs will make a tremendous difference for all of you. Occupational therapy (even though almost no one knows what it is!) can be life changing.

I also know that it is more than possible to carve out your place in the world as a person with sensory processing issues. I am surrounded by friends and family who are more than accepting of my quirks. They laugh along with me as I avoid squishy food, constantly change my clothes each day trying to find something "comfortable" and have my hands in a thousand projects at once. I am still learning how to meet my own sensory needs but see each day how much it helps me to be honest about them and to listen to my body when it tells me something.

Your little guy will be allright, he's clearly got a great mom.

[courtney]

mama voice, too true...I completely applaud you for listening and seeking an answer to those concerns, I completely understand those sensory issues, I am a teacher and have one student who has similar issues, he loves his weighted west and banging on a drum of all things...have an open mind (which you so do...) and keep listening to that voice...Thanks for sharing! Another Courtney :)

[erin]

that mama voice is a strong one! one of our girls had something going on that just wasn't right. i am glad i followed my instincts and followed through. everything now is managed easily and almost outgrown. you are a great mother, courtney. hugs to you!

[tmmorris@bigpond.net.au]

Your beautiful post has brought out some delurkers, myself included. There is a book called something like the sensing child which is explores the over stimulated and understimulated senses, with lots of practical advise. If you haven't heard of it I can find out more.
Thank you.

[april]

I love this blog and have been reading it for several months. Thank you for sharing your ideas. I felt like I needed to comment about Elliot's sensory issues. My son is 3.5 and I've always had that feeling, too. We are in our third week of OT and it's awesome. My son is a terrific kid and I was so afraid of pursuing anything at the risk of 'changing' him. That's the last thing we wanted to do. I've been able to voice those concerns to our therapist and we are on the same page. I am so grateful for the Mama Voice! It's our #1 advocate we have for our kids. I wish you well on your journey. Especially, as it may not end with Elliot. We have twin baby girls and I am already seeing signs. Fortunately, we can easily apply what we learn from the OT to all the kids:) Thanks for writing this post!

[rebekah at elizabeth anne designs]

Beautiful.

[kerry lynn]

we always know, don't we?
thank you for sharing your journey courtney.
xoxo

[Katie]

Thank you for sharing this. We've been down this road too. Our son is almost two - but he's been a "breath-holder" which means that when he gets hurt, anxious or really upset he sometimes cries so hard he holds his breath and passes out. We had him evaluated for sensory issues too - a great book was recommended: The Out of Sync Child (awful name, good book). There's an activity book that accompanies it. You are a wonderful mother and doing a great job. No one else is going to listen to that voice except you, and it can really make all the difference.

[taya]

I've been lurking about for a little while, and love the beautiful things you create, and I've read your various posts about your son with curiosity. I've been a preschool teacher for 12 years and have often worked specifically with children who have sensory integration difficulty, and one thing I like to share with families is a reminder that preschoolers, by definition, are learning to integrate the incredible, overwhelming data from the world around them. It's hard, and struggling with it demonstrates just how much there is out there to see, hear, touch, etc.--it can point out the richness and beauty of the world to us, the adults who are really good at integrating, and it can also help us to notice the very sensitive little souls for whom sometimes it's just too much. In this era of diagnoses, keep in mind that development at a different rhythm isn't necessarily a disorder; that said, a diagnosis can, of course, be an excellent way to educate yourself about others whose growth patterns are similar to your child's, and also to help you develop a community of support. I would suggest two wonderful books to you, The Out Of Sync Child and The Out Of Sync Child Has Fun. Trust yourself and your child, and good luck to you!

[blair]

Oh my gosh, I LOVE what Taya just said. Take care Russell family, as I know you will. xo

[Jaclyn]

Yay for listening to the Mama voice and I loved what Taya had to say.

Peace.

[dorie]

Good voice. Good love.

[Cindy Ericsson]

One of my children has an autism spectrum disorder. He's brilliant, talented, happy, more fun than most people, and different. Life with him has interesting challenges and sometimes even struggles, but our lives with him are much richer than they would be with anyone else.

[Cindy Ericsson]

One of my children has an autism spectrum disorder. He's brilliant, talented, happy, more fun than most people, and different. Life with him has interesting challenges and sometimes even struggles, but our lives with him are much richer than they would be with anyone else.

[Candi Lofland]

Your posting tugged my heart strings. Reading everyone's comments even more so. Please know that the love you have for your son will overcome anything. Everyone's journey is so different yet parallel. My 14yr and 15 yr old sons started the same way..yrs ago..at 2 & 3yrs old. Each soul is unique. I have a 4yr son from my second marriage with no "issues". Remember to laugh and see the positive with everyday new day. If you ever need an ear...email me! :)

[Meghan]

You are not alone mama. I have an almost 5 year old who was diagnosed at 22 months with sensory issues. The great thing about my son is that he is learning to cope with his needs. He is in a integrated pre-school right now with children both normally developing and those who are not. I'm happy to say he's doing so awesome. Keep your chin up those OT can do wonderous things.
-Meghan

[Zoe]

Courtney, it is so interesting that you posted about this . . .and that I read it because I have just made this same discovery with my 3 1/2 year old. My oldest child is autistic. For years we have worked intensly with him. With our second one, he was different in so many ways from his big brother. But Myles has many peculiar things about him - doesn't like certain t-shirts over his head, doesn't like the doors shut, doesn't like humming sounds - etc etc. I kept asking people who had helped us with Asher. They kept saying, "Nope, it's not autism!" Finally one night, it hit me (cause the Mama voice wouldn't leave me alone about it!) that he was "out of sync" I remembered that I had purchased this book a while ago to help out with Asher but found that it did not relate to his needs at all. It fits myles perfectly! I am just starting this journey . . . now that I am on to something. I have been recommended the book "the out of sync child has fun" and am going to get it soon. It is hard . . . especially to admit that I have two "special" kids. Thankfully they are both high function and their conditions are not so severe. The other night I was thinking "why do I have two, why me?" then I realized, "why not!" I am the best mama for these boys - God knew that me and my husband could give them all that they would ever need to grow and flourish. I think that it is the same for you. He was sent to you . . . you are the best mama for him. :)

[amy]

thank you for yr voice
From what I gather- you are an amazing woman and mother...you will take the time to explore and create the best that he needs from yr love, creativity and wisdom.

[Nicole]

We began the journey 6 months ago after ignoring the mama voice for a long time. These have been hectic months; filled with OT, speech therapy, psychiatrists, many tears and many amazing discoveries. My son is thriving, has a twinkle in his eyes that I've never seen and a joy in his laughter that brings tears to my eyes. He still has some really rough times, but OT is helping him to discover the best ways for him to cope with his sensory issues. I love that he's able to take that control.

[Neisha]

My nine year old has Asperger's Syndrome with a bunch of sensory issues to boot. I hear ya! It's not easy but they are amazing little people. Best of luck!

[apple cyder]

What a handsome young guy with such a good, smart mom. Horray for that ever-looming mommy voice!

[jennifer]

wishing you and your son many positive awakenings as you venture into OT. i applaud you for listening to your mama voice. i didn't know to listen to mine with our girls' gross motor skills when they were infants. at a year old they entered PT and at 20+21 months, they finally walked and were discharged. only then did i know to be proactive. it's a tremendous responsibility. and opportunity. and i thank heaven for that voice.
much luck with your journey, courtney.
xoxo

[rebecca]

Thank you for sharing this - will be listening to my Mama voice just a little harder from now on.

[Liz]

Mamas always seem to know best... Do you brush him? My good friend's son has sensory integration disorder and they brush him 2-3 times per day and do joint compressions every night. It has made a world of difference for their son (now 10.)