I try and draw a line between the public and private in this little space, but this needs saying, if only for me, for my boy.  And also to explain why I seem come and go from here.

We're four years down this path, and finally we have some answers.  From his earliest days, something just seemed different, harder.  With every sound he woke, I held him, all day, all night.  Had to limit my diet to keep him happy.  There's something off I say, the doctors say he is fine, he is big, he is beautiful.  I listen to my Mama Voice, stop asking for help. 

I will care for you little one.

He grows, he's smart, he's healthy.  He's just clumsy because he's SO BIG.  All parents have to repeat things a lot, right?  Why doesn't he really play with all those toys?  Why must I lead him through everything?  Still, things seem more normal.  Maybe parenting is really this hard.  But, it doesn't look this hard for others.

He starts school, does fine.  Seems ahead in some ways, behind in others.  He's happy.  He turns three, his sister comes.  Things aren't so good.  Sibling issues, yes, that's it.  He challenges more, acts out towards pets and sister.  Everyone says "he's three, three is hard."

But, he has incredibly sweet moments.  He talks like such a grown up now.  When did my little boy become so grown up?  Still, something about him seems naive, a little off.  What is it?

Fourth birthday approaches, maybe four will be better.  Late night internet searching, click on "sensory issues."  This is my child.

Seek evaluation-- yes sensory issues, sensory seeking (must touch everything), sensory avoiding (no swings, please).  We can help him.  He will be fine.

Prescription:  Rich sensory experiences, occupational therapy (disguised as play), lots of hugs (no tickles)

I will care for you little one.